Official 5/8 Singles Club v. Tech accidentally discovers one of the laws of shemale attraction

LilPop, there's also a decent amount of distance between you guys right now, right?

also, kinda sorry to hear that bro

No offense intended, but I don't think this is a realistic assessment of what's going on. It's not like she can walk over to his dorm room. He's from Toronto and she's from NYC. Spending time together is inherently more complicated than just "taking a break from studying to chill with some friends."

Also, maybe she's not the sort of person who's so needy that they want to spend time with an S/O when they're stressed out. I totally get where she's coming from because I'm the same way. It doesn't indicate a lack of commitment on her part. She might just prefer to spend time with him when she's not overloaded with other things that she's worried about or focusing on, and to deal with those stresses in her own way and at her own pace.

This emphasis on "time spent together" as a sign of "commitment" might be a reason so many people end up in this thread.

/avoidant attachment style, represent

LOL. It is A primary means of demonstrating commitment. It's far from THE primary means. The fact that it's the way YOU demonstrate commitment doesn't mean that emotional intimacy, or common goals, or any number of other things can't display commitment just as well. Example: If you want to demonstrate your commitment to ME, you learn to give me my space. I place a much higher value on emotional intimacy and respect-of-boundaries than I do on time spent together. My most successful relationships have been long-distance exactly for that reason. My relationships supplement my life, they don't BECOME IT.

The point is that relationship needs and expressions of intimacy are idiosyncratic. Any attempt to argue otherwise is futile. You might as well say that all personalities are identical.

True enough, but:

60-70% rate of divorce. How often does it actually succeed? Traditional marriages have a success rate of no higher than 40%, being generous. If you factor in how many relationships you'll have, and end, over the course of a lifetime, you're talking about a much lower rate than that. I'm not convinced that relationships as a construct even make sense, if you look at the statistics.

I would say that's a good rule of thumb, but that most people conflate "my needs" with "the relationship's needs" and that's where the rub lies.

break in the serious talk. get out your pen and paper people, sometimes it's just this easy

Any intro to sociology course, or: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/01news/firstmarr.htm, which is the failure rate of first marriages (43%). I said 60-70% because I included first, second, third, fourth, etc., marriages (since someone in their third marriage has already experienced a 66% failure rate, 75% at their fourth, and so on). The rate of divorce goes up as the age of the individuals in the marriage goes down, so failure rates for first marriages among younger couples are notably higher (younger couples are also more likely to remarry more frequently, if that makes sense).

Well sure. People in relationships all need a certain amount of time to themselves, but in my experience after a while you do find he right balance - you learn how much alone time you actually need, and in turn, that the relationship needs.

Just out of curiosity, how much do you need someone to "respect your space?" How much time do you usually want on your own? I'm not trying to attack you, I'm just trying to understand your position. I understand that everyone's different, but it seems like you and I are on totally different planets when it comes to relationship expectations.[/quote]

I need shit tons of space. If I start to feel like a relationship is interfering with my enjoyment of my life and the things I love doing, I try to work out a compromise and -- if that fails -- break it off. I would rather be alone than resentful.

Nah, I just use statistics because they're more believable than my anecdotes and intuition. Or maybe. I'd say I'd think about that more, but it would probably just prove you right. Maybe you are. I prefer to think that I do better in LDRs because it gives me the freedom to pursue my other interests while also providing the benefit of emotional intimacy with someone who also has titties that I can occasionally play with.

edit: @ bacong.

Kahless: I don't know man. I need a lot of space, but I also know a lot of people who feel the same way. It's likely that you know people who need more TST time because you, as someone who needs that TST, would gravitate toward others that share that need. Just like I gravitate toward people who understand and appreciate a need for distance. You can't really draw conclusions about "most people" based on that; only "most people I know".

This is me, too. I have too many things I want to accomplish to let a woman waste my time.

Nobody really. Kahless asked for a stat, so I gave him one.

Also, lol, it's my JOB to analyze relationships this way.

Holy shit, maybe this is the solution I've been looking for. I've always thought LDRs would never work, but maybe they are the only kind of relationships that would work for me. The only problem is that you always be wondering if you're being cheated on while you're apart.

Well, I was also engaged to a girl who cheated on me three months before we were supposed to get married and then decided to do everything she could to destroy my life. That's a much bigger factor in my reticence than some statistic.

Don't get me wrong, I would love a lifelong commitment. It's actually something that's very important to me; I just balance a lot with work, school, etc., and don't have time to waste on a relationship that isn't either fulfilling my needs or at least moving in that direction.

Nah, I don't really feel that way anymore... I get disappointed in women a lot, not so much in myself now. I felt like I really learned a lot about the ugly useless side of women with the last one, who I discarded without any regret when I realized what a drag she had become on my life. I observe how relationships have gone with the other people I know. I can't actually think of any relationships I know of where a person would logically determine that the whole thing was worth it. They all seem to produce far more misery than happiness for both genders. People are better when they are free of that dependency and can actually have the time and money to achieve all the dreams they've always had.

I'm willing to give this thread a try because I feel like letting off some steam about this damn shit. Warning, incoming post

So I meet this girl in class the first week of February. She's p cute, and she's in my 400 level history class so I assume she isn't dumb. She adds me on Facebook and the first thing I notice is that she has the exact same birthday as me. Turns out we were born on the same day, in the same city, within 2 hours of each other. She was definitely putting herself out there, like how on the first day of class she made eyes at me and came and sat in front of me. I'm feeling confident about my chances, so I ask her for her number after class. We start talking and she informs me that she is going to Europe at the end of the semester for a year...fucking bummer. Oh well, maybe this is still worth a shot, right? I mean, she's putting herself out there, right? After we're done talking she texts me and invites me to a party at her sorority the following night.

I went over to her place not really knowing what to expect, dressed in casual shit. I walk in and everyone's wearing a fucking tux. I'm expecting the worse, but we all kind of laugh about it. We go to this big fucking cocktail party and I'm the only dude there in flannel, but it ends up working to my advantage. All her roommates seem to think I'm cute and all their dates seem to think I'm pretty funny and shit, so I get comfortable real quick. I dance with her at the party, we kiss, then head to a bar to see some jam band. Then we take all her friends home and head back to her place. Long story short, we didn't have sex but we made out for a loooong ass time. She had a fucking lovely body. I ended up spending the night with her that night and I probably stayed in bed with her for the better part of 24 hours.

Needless to say, after this I'm fucking stoked about this girl because she seems cool as fuck and says she wants to have sex with me. She says a few things to tip me off that she's a bit of a land mine - like the fact that she recently did a line of coke a week after deviated septim surgery (wtf), and the some really fucked up issues with an ex-boyfriend

(involving him almost dying in a wreck 2 days after they broke up, her getting back together with him, and then cheating on him later because he was an asshole to her, and how she feels terrible about breaking his heart now),

but I just decided to ignore this shit for the time being, since we'd only been on one date and it had gone swimmingly.

I should probably note at this point that, though I'm not an unattractive or antisocial guy by any means, I have always had shit luck with women. This miffs all of my friends because I'm 6'6, pretty good looking, and can play the guitar like a motherfucker. Despite this - and the fact that I've made out with a dozen or so girls - before I met this girl I'd never really had any sexual experience whatsoever. However, I know that's not surprising considering I'm posting a fucking novel about a 1 month fling i had with some random girl in this thread.

So I keep talking to this girl and to my surprise, she remains reluctant to do anything sexual with me. This was frustrating because she would do shit like invite me over for the night and then act like she was ready to fall asleep. I could usually get her to stay up for a bit but it was still peculiar and irritating. I was really disappointed because we slept together the night before our birthday (February 14, fucking Valentine's day of all days) and she still did this to me. She even fucking kicked me out of of her room that morning because her roommate (by ridiculous coincidence) also had a birthday that day, and she had to have breakfast with her and that I wasn't invited. Despite all of this, I continued to lace her with all kinds of romantic flirty shit, possibly to a corny extent now that I look back on it. That said, I never get lovey-dovey or any inappropriate stupid shit like that and I never act like I'm attached to her because, in all honesty, I really wasn't.

After about 2 weeks, she starts acting a bit weird, not texting me and stuff. Honestly, I didn't really notice she hadn't texted me in a few days until I saw her in class again and she said something along the lines of "sorry I've been acting so weird lately. I saw my ex-boyfriend at a bar and he was a dick to me etc. and I felt weird about texting you. I'm sorry." My initial reaction was genuinely to tell her that I barely noticed, and didn't really mind as long as she just kept chilling with me. She perked up and we started hanging out again, kissing etc. After about a week I start to forget about it and get back to the business of acquiring sex. She finally lets me finger her one night, after which I ended up leaving because she was going to bed and I didn't feel like laying there next to her in sexual disappointment. It was still nice to get some form of action but I was still feeling a bit impatient, since I'd been talking to this girl for about 3 weeks at this point...and remember, she is going to Germany in a few months. I mean, I don't want to go to fast, but there is a definite a time limit on this whole affair.

That Thursday we end up going to the bars with my friends for once. Decent night, aside from getting pulled over/ticketed for a stop sign and being scared shitless of geting a DUI. Thankfully that didn't happen. We were both fairly drunk and after the night was over we went back to my place and started making out.

Here's where the real bullshit starts; I went down on this girl and didn't come back up for air for at least 2 hours. I'm pretty sure I made her climax once or twice but remember, this is like, my first time doing it, so I couldn't tell you if I gave awesome head, or head so bad it could make her want to never talk to me again. That isn't the point; what I CAN tell you is that I fucking gave this bitch at LEAST 2 hours of head...and no reciprocation ever happened. None. Not so much as a kiss or a lick. Nothing. She didn't even put off the vibe that she wanted to do anything other than lay there and get licked. I remember her saying something like "I don't like giving head...I'd rather just have sex and pay you back that way. But not tonight."

Ok so I'm not sure how to feel at this point. I want to feel frustrated about this, but I can't be too mad because I just ate pussy for the first time, which I enjoyed far too immensely to worry about what else may or may not be in store. If I'm honest, I was probably getting somewhat attached to this girl at this point, partly because I was/am lonely, but mostly because I was so stoked about finally having a legit opportunity for some sex.

I take her home in the morning and she tells me that we can't do any sleeping together that weekend because her mom will be in town for some sorority thing, so I decide I'm gonna stay out of the way. She invites me out to the bars but seems reluctant and still doesn't want me to spend the night, so I just decide to keep my distance. I mean, I wanted to see her, not her and her roommates and their mom's getting drunk off tequila shots at the bar with no hope of having any fun. Besides, she ended up going home early and my friends were all taking ages to get ready so I just said fuck it. I kind of wish I had gone out with her those nights, but I don't know that it would have saved anything.

After that, it just kept getting worse. The next night, she texts me saying she had seen her ex-boyfriend at the bar and that, yet again, he was a dick to her etc. and that he wanted to talk to her about something or another. She didn't text me for a while after that; I just assumed she was doing the shit she had done a few weeks previous, though this time it bothered me a little more since she was blue-balling me so fucking hard. After a few days, she still wouldn't come around so I talk to her after our class at the end of the week and she says she is still feeling weird.

At this point I finally let her know that this shit is frustrating me. I tell her that this ex-boyfriend deal isn't my business, and despite the fact that the situation between them was complicated, it still wasn't cool for her to be making it my issue. She said she really liked me and that if she came back in a year and I was still here that she wanted to make sure that a relationship could happen. I half-heartedly agree, knowing this to be total bullshit, but I assume she is at least sincere enough about the fact that she likes me. It was a bummer of a conversation because we were about to go on Spring Break and I really wanted her to come around before I didn't see her for a week.

I didn't hear from her for a solid week and a half after this. She was in Denver with friends, and I thought texting her would come off as needy/overbearing. This is when I really started to feel terrible about the whole situation. By the time I get back to school, I am honestly feeling so shitty that I would rather her just break the shit off than leave me hanging.

We grabbed lunch one day that next week, I asked her how she felt, and prepared for the worst. She tells me she still feels weird, and that she needs to be alone for the next few months because she's gonna be so busy doing this and that getting ready to move to Europe. She said she didn't want to have any more romantic shit in her life and that she needed me to keep my distance. Of course, this is never fun to hear, but I was so relieved to not feel so stressed about it that I couldn't make a real effort to salvage anything; I doubt it would have done any good anyway. I tried to ask some questions but she doesn't give me any real answers so I just give up, accept that it's over, and take her home. This was about a month ago.

I've talked to her once since then; we talked after class about a week or two after this and I told her I missed her and that I wanted to hang out. She immediately agreed, and looked happy that I had asked. I took this as a sign that maybe we could at least be on a friend basis. I texted her about hanging the next day and - go figure - she just sketched out and told me more bullshit, like that she thought I was a great guy, but that she just needed to be alone, etc. Ever since then she's been like a stranger.

It made me really fucking sad for about 2 solid weeks. I'm still sad right now for that matter, but a month of drinking heavily has washed those feelings out to a decent extent. I'm still disappointed and angry for getting ripped off on the sex, but I just had my final in that class today and hopefully I've seen the last of her. I've been staying on the lookout for any other cute available girls but nothing's happened yet. I don't know what to do because I'm taking summer classes and this place dries up during the summer. There's no way in hell I'm meeting anyone until at least August. Besides I'm taking a fuck ton of class so I'll probably be busy.

I don't want to say I'm still upset about this whole thing, but I am pretty sure I just saw her for the last time ever today and it was as if we had never even really talked outside of class to begin with...and I can't help it, it's bumming me out hard. The bitch got me vulnerable and then she fucking stomped all over me in shit-stained boots. It's just a fucking depressing shitty situation and I hate it.

My question now is this: Surely you guys have been through this same type of shit before a million times. How do you deal with this kind of shit? What would you guys do to bounce back and regain your confidence so you can find something new?

Well my last horrific breakup and ensuing bullshit has given me the ability to simply not give a fuck. Currently stuck right in between a messy breakup of a 2 year relationship involving my roommate (and good friend) and his now-ex, also a good friend and my best friend. Roommate very very upset about the whole thing as she gave the typical woman reason for the breakup as being 'needing her space' and 'wanting to be alone'.

So last night after we went to her year end show (to show support supposedly, roommate was not happy at all about it and nor was I) Ex has forgotten her keys and can't pay for a taxi back to her friends house so best friends organizes her to stay with one of his friends, so we split up, I go back to our apartment, best friend takes her to where ex was going to say. Apparently they then made out or something along those lines. Cue roommate flipping his shit just now, thankfully best friend is out at some sort of meeting. Not sure what to think honestly', the ex seemed to be a nice person but now is just a regular fucking idiot woman and best friend is also a massive fucking retard. But whatever, I'm going back to dota2.

story pls

I can completely appreciate you wanting to get with the girl but getting into any sort of relationship with a time limit on it like that (her moving away) just gives her a fantastic excuse to cut the whole thing short whenever she wants, however she wants. It also gives her license to fuck around with you as she won't be around to deal with the consquences for very long, if she even gives a shit in the first place. Sounded like she was just using you to dump all her ex boyfriends shit onto you and also just have you around to play with whenever she wants.

I mean, pretty much that. Granted, my situation was alot different, but a few years back I dated a girl for the better part of three years. Then she meets some random guy and breaks up with me to date him. This was pretty much my first relationship I had ever been in, and in retrospect is was very juvenile (I mean, this relationship existed when I was like 16-19 lol) but it kinda killed me for awhile.

Three months down the road I ended up dating this girl for a while, and it didn't take me long to realize that I didn't want to be in the relationship. I never did, really. I was trying to date this girl under the impression that it would make everything perfect or whatever, and it was just dumb.

I eventually broke up her, wasted some more time where I was living, and four months later I moved to Savannah, GA. I moved with the intention of just doing whatever the fuck I wanted. The area of DE that I grew up in is terrible. Just juvenile idiots always with drama, and I want to break free of that and just become a new person or whatever. Moved, got a job, met tons of new, awesome people, and met my now fiancee through some mutual friends. And hell, our first date happened after I casually asked if she was hungry one night and wanted to get something to eat. Wasn't elaborately planned out or anything.

Anyways, a lot of my story is stupid and irrelevant, but I think it's honestly best when it comes to women to not force anything. I like to believe that ~there's someone out there for everyone~, and it's probably easier to find someone you like if you don't force yourself too hard to make it happen.

I dunno. I'm pretty dumb though.

Well I know I got used, that's not even the question. Besides, it's not exactly like I'm spoiled for choice around these parts, I just have to kind of take what I can get.

edit: Klonere

Well you have to put some effort in if you're in a situation where you aren't even getting opportunities, right? Like I said, I've never been in a relationship/had sex, and I'm a fucking college senior. It's not that I'm super desperate for sex or whatever, but I sure can't help feeling lonely as a motherfucker.

just don't get into other relationships like that often, it'll leave a hollow and soulless husk. If you want sex, do casual hook-ups. If you want relationships, be patient. Until then

yeah I hear you on the lonely thing but its just something you have to live with imo, until you find someone who respects and is interested in you. just play a lot of video games or whatever until that point

I suppose so. That first girl I dated for three years, we never had sex.

It's probably an example of how irrational my thoughts are, but my honest opinion is if you can get a change of scenery in a situation like that, you should just go for it.

Haha I can't tell if you are being sarcastic about not having sex with that girl, and if you are I have no idea what you mean by that, but I definitely feel you on the change of scenery thing. I am finishing undergrad at Bama in December and I want to get the fuck out of Tuscaloosa ASAP. Strongly considering moving to ATL

Nope, and about 80% of the people I know haven't either. I know a lot of people who are unhappily trapped in marriages with kids, married to people that make them miserable, and constantly lamenting that they can never do they things they want to because the wife demands time and the kids demand time. Your rhetorical question is also something of a PKB itself.

Oh here we go with the non-argument strawman laced with a heavy dose of butt-hurt. You feel threatened by people who actually have ambition to accomplish things in their lives, and respond by trying to tear them down because it's the only way you can justify your own existence. I do not require having someone "home waiting for me" to validate myself; I validate myself by thinking about the amazing things I'm going to do in my life. The irony is that you act like you're on some higher ground to throw out your accusations when in reality you care so little about yourself that you would never get off your fat ass to exercise and your idea of personal accomplishment is setting a new record in MW3. Your entire existence revolves around running a website that recycles 4chan jokes. If you were Nolan or wilcaz or any of the other posters who actually have some ambition and drive to succeed in life, I would regard your comment as advice to consider, but coming from you... not really.

No, I'm being serious. I guess more than anything I was trying to say that I can relate to waiting forever for sex. I had sex for the first time a week before my 20th birthday, and pretty much everyone I knew at that time had been bangin' on the reg for a while.

I never been to Atlanta, but I gotta imagine it's better than Tuscaloosa.

not for real though. this last girl was probably the closest thing i've had to an actual girlfriend, and i didn't even really feel that strongly about her until right before she cut me off.

edit: Bacong

Yo I would say that unfortunately your lack of experience may have hurt you. From what you provided, I'm thinking maybe had you been much more aggressive and just kind of made the sex happen, you would have not had such a shitty time. Quite the catch-22. That being said, really at this point I think shit's too fucked and you should just do your best to forget about her and move on. Shit 6'6" is this real life

>Wants a woman
>Won't work a job to make money

Pick one.

Yup, and I would say that she was almost definitely having sex with other people during this whole debacle period. She liked having you around to fill in those gaps when she was forced to be alone with her thoughts. She must be forgotten, and it sounds as though that shouldn't be too hard. Was there ever really something you saw in her that really spoke to you and made you happy, some unique quality for which you're now pining? Was it just the attention? (attention is fucking addictive)

Bacong I think what Tech is getting at, even though he said it in a hilariously dickish manner, is that you are happy with someone and are translating that to "everyone should aspire to this same type of happiness" (obviously not a direct quote). Since you don't want to "work 80 hours a week" and don't seem to have hobbies that require a lot of independence, a serious involved relationship fits into your life very nicely and makes you happy. Tech wants to go exploring and work a demanding job and all that crap, so he doesn't have as much time or energy for a serious relationship. Neither way of living is bad or wrong, but you're acting as if Tech is lying to himself and actually wants exactly what you have.

Money isn't at all what I meant by personal accomplishment. I don't give a shit about money aside from necessity. I'm talking about things like running a marathon, or inventing something, or writing a piece of music... something where you can legitimately say I did this and feel good about it. I suppose some people can get that purely through accumulating wealth. And if you are someone who can truly find that with another person, then you should go for it, but in my experience that's definitely a minority of people. I think a lot of people think happiness is to be found that way and they are often the ones that find out they are wrong later in life.

I'm not getting my examples from my friends just telling me "man, she won't let me have any time." I'm getting my examples from the fact that nearly every single couple I've known has ended in bitter divorce, criminal attempts at revenge, physical abuse, emotional abuse, etc. I thought about writing a list of the examples because they are all pretty harsh, but I figure this post is long enough as it is. It is actually the relationships that I regard as happy relationships where I must admit that I don't have good evidence of the true state of the relationships. I know there are some happy relationships, but I do believe they are a minority and I think kestral's "statistics" back that up well enough.

You attempted a cheap shot (essentially a claim that the things important to me are worthless because I still don't have a relationship), so I responded in kind. It would probably have bothered me a few years ago when all I did was whine about being unable to get a girlfriend. My "job" is a stepping stone to accomplish the things important to me... it's a source of funding so that I can get my business (what you call "hobbies") on track without requiring any debt. I've already made some significant progress. There will probably be a few unforeseen setbacks but I'm fairly confident I will not be doing the same thing for a living in about 4 years (I'll be living in a different state for one thing).

yeah son I am painfully aware of the whole Catch-22 of not being able to gain experience because of a lack of experience. And I pretty much have to move on now because I probably won't ever see her again after today, thankfully.

...or you could just, you know, fuck dumpster diving syndicalist crust punks with poopy hair.