I lost my virginity today

Sounds like exposition for a movie plot. Write the screenplay portis

Amazing.

great success.

7 stars

Absolutely incredible stuff, Portis.

I feel honored merely to have stood in the presence of a man as great as yourself.

Wow, that was better than a bel-air.

The funny thing is that I don't even know how much of that is made up. Did portis even really meet a girl, or was that made up, too? 5/8 will never know the truth.

Holy shit, that was incredibly amazing. Seriously, I did NOT see that coming (lol pun).

itt BYOB

Wintis_26

you should be a writer. go talk to TempusVox to see if he can "get you in the biz"

lol

epic

AND SUDDENLY, GAY SEX. LOTS OF IT.

::Bows::

I'm at a loss for words.

just say thank you

It's not who you know, it's who you blow

That story was fucking gold. We need more stories like this.

Great!

Is there any shred of truth to any of that though?

I'm not really sure how I feel about this now. Yes, the sex was amazing. It was like a waterfall of pleasure rushing over my head or like getting shot in the face with a sawed-off but the complete opposite of that. But now that I've had a night to think everything over, I'm wondering whether I made the right decision. I mean, this girl is amazing. She called me today, and I lied to her about what happened. I told her he was just showing me his herpes. She dropped the topic and asked if we could meet up later today. So I'm meeting up with her later today. The problem about this whole thing is just because I said something didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't. Lies don't make the truth go away. I know what happened, and its eating me up inside like an alien thats been buried under the Earth's surface for 9,000 years and was recently discovered on an archaeological dig in a bad B-Horror movie starring Charlie Murphy.

I can feel it. I feel like my life has become a lie and that lie created its own parallel universe where I'm forced to live in the world I tried to create to save myself. But in this world I'm totally disconnected. Not even the stars can comfort me at night. Everything is blurry and my hearing is distorted. Here I am forced to live with lust because that is all I've known. I can't create the lies of love since I don't even know what love is. I hope she can one day forgive me pursuing butt-holes pleasures in place of her love, but I don't know if I can even forgive myself.

It is because of things like this that we never know if portis tells the truth or if he's a filthy liar with a broad imagination.

4 1/2 months from now, portis resurrects this thread to post "april fools", just like he did with his "coming out" thread.

That....that was beautiful.

I'll give you an A for effort, but this thread still sucks.

I suspect that you mean that you want reliable information that portis got laid, right? I kinda agree with that.

I know. That's why I don't believe a single thing he writes.

I guess it was an amusing idea but I just didn't laugh. And it's also true that I really don't know if Portis is gay, straight, bi, a virgin, or whatever.

There's always one.

I feel like my sense of humor is often way out of sync with that of this forum.

QFmotherfuckingT

Nice

Portis, will you marry me?

Best. Thread. Ever.

She's a cutie. I'm glad you practiced, cuz you're about to tap that ass!

This is one of the best threads I have ever read.


I love you Portis. <3

just posting in a legendary thread

I wanna hear caravan with a drum sola

Oh my god, how have I never seen this before? I think I just blew a funny fuse.

::hiss::

Hands off, he's mine.


Portis, forget her. She doesn't understand you or your complex sexuality. I'm here for you.